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By Haley Tew
I design outdoor spaces for a living, but I'll be honest with you: my own backyard sat neglected for years.
It wasn't terrible. We had a patch of grass, a basic patio, some shrubs that survived the Arizona heat. But nobody actually used it. My kids preferred the couch and their tablets. My husband and I would look out the window and think, "We should really do something with that space," then go back inside.
Sound familiar?
Then something shifted. We redesigned our outdoor space, not to impress clients or create portfolio content, but because we needed it. And what happened next surprised me more than any project I've done for someone else.
The Screen Time Problem We Weren't Talking About
Like most families, we'd fallen into a pattern. Everyone home by 5:30 PM. Dinner at 6:00. Then... everyone scattered to their own screens. Phones, tablets, TV, laptops. We were all in the same house, but we weren't really together.
I kept reading articles about the importance of "unplugged family time" and "outdoor play," but our backyard wasn't set up for any of that. There was nowhere comfortable to sit except two rusty chairs. No shade during the brutal afternoon heat. Nothing interesting for kids to do except... what? Stare at dead grass?
So we stayed inside. And the screens stayed on.
What Changed (And Why It Worked)
We finally redesigned our backyard with one specific goal: create a space so inviting that we'd actually choose to be outside.
Not a showpiece. Not an entertainment zone for big parties. Just a place where our family would naturally gravitate after dinner instead of defaulting to the living room.
Here's what we added:
A covered patio with overhead fans
In Arizona, if you can't handle the heat, you won't use the space. Period. We extended our existing patio with a ramada and added ceiling fans so it's comfortable even in July. Now we can be outside 10 months of the year instead of 4.
A fire pit with built-in seating
This was the game-changer. Fire is magnetic, especially for kids. Even in warm weather, we light it up in the evenings. Suddenly, everyone's outside roasting marshmallows, telling stories, actually talking. No tablets allowed at the fire pit. That's the rule.
Thoughtful lighting
If your backyard goes dark at sunset, you lose half your usable hours. We added path lighting, uplighting on trees, and soft overhead string lights. It feels like a resort back there now, not a black hole.
A small putting green and bocce court
Kids need something to do, not just somewhere to be. These were inexpensive additions that gave my kids (and honestly, my husband) a reason to wander outside without being told. Now they challenge each other to games instead of scrolling TikTok.
Comfortable furniture that can handle weather
This sounds obvious, but how many backyards have you seen with cheap plastic chairs or metal benches that are scorching hot by 3 PM? We invested in real outdoor furniture, deep seating, weather-resistant cushions, a dining table where we can actually eat. If it's uncomfortable, people won't stay.
What Actually Happened
Within two weeks of finishing the project, we noticed something: nobody was rushing back inside after dinner.
My kids started asking, "Can we do s'mores tonight?" which meant gathering around the fire pit. My husband and I started having coffee outside in the mornings instead of scrolling our phones at the kitchen counter. Weekend afternoons turned into bocce tournaments instead of Marvel movie marathons.
We didn't ban screens. We didn't set strict "outdoor time" rules. We just made being outside more appealing than being inside. And it worked.
The best part? Our kids started inviting friends over again. Not for video game sessions in the playroom, for actual outdoor hangouts. Neighbors stopped by more often. Our backyard became the gathering spot it always could have been but never was.
Why Most Backyards Don't Get Used
Here's what I've learned from designing hundreds of outdoor spaces and living in my own: people don't avoid their backyards because they're lazy or too addicted to screens. They avoid them because the space doesn't work.
Think about it. If your backyard is:
- Too hot to sit in after 10 AM
- Dark and uninviting at night
- Filled with uncomfortable furniture
- Boring for kids (and adults)
- Lacking a real purpose or gathering spot
...then of course you're going back inside. The air-conditioned living room with soft couches and a big TV is objectively more appealing.
But when you fix those problems, when you create shade, add lighting, include activities, make it comfortable, the backyard becomes the better option. And that's when behavior changes without anyone forcing it.
How to Design a Backyard Your Family Will Actually Use
You don't need a million-dollar budget or a full redesign. You just need to think strategically about what's keeping people inside.
1. Solve for comfort first
Shade, cooling, comfortable seating. If people are physically uncomfortable, they won't stay outside no matter how pretty it looks. In Arizona, that means pergolas, ramadas, misters, fans, and quality furniture. Your climate might be different, but the principle is the same: make it comfortable year-round.
2. Create a focal point
Fire pits, water features, outdoor kitchens, even a really nice dining table, give people a reason to gather. A focal point creates natural congregation. Without one, your backyard is just empty space.
3. Add activities for all ages
Putting greens, bocce courts, cornhole, hammocks, outdoor games. Kids need something to do. Adults appreciate low-key activities too. These don't have to be elaborate, just intentional.
4. Light it properly
If your backyard goes dark at 7 PM, you lose half the day. Invest in landscape lighting, not just security floods, but ambient lighting that makes the space feel warm and inviting. String lights, path lights, uplighting on trees. This is a game-changer.
5. Make it easy to use
If you have to drag chairs out of the garage every time, you won't do it. If the grill is buried behind storage boxes, it won't get used. Design your space so that everything is accessible and ready to go. Low-friction = higher usage.
The Real ROI: Time Together
People ask me all the time about ROI on outdoor projects. They want to know if it'll increase property value or help with resale.
And sure, a well-designed outdoor space absolutely adds value. But the real return isn't financial, it's the hours you get back with your family.
Since we finished our backyard, we've had:
- Countless fire pit conversations that wouldn't have happened on the couch
- Neighbors and friends dropping by more often
- Kids asking to be outside instead of begging for more iPad time
- Mornings that start with coffee and fresh air instead of scrolling the news
- Weekend afternoons that feel slower and more present
That's not something you can put a price on.
Start Small, But Start Somewhere
You don't need to overhaul your entire backyard this weekend. But if you're tired of everyone defaulting to screens and separate rooms, start with one intentional change:
- Add a fire pit
- String up some lights
- Invest in one really comfortable seating area
- Create shade where there isn't any
- Add one activity (cornhole, hammock, outdoor speakers for music)
Pick one thing that removes friction. Make being outside easier than being inside. Then watch what happens.
Because here's the truth: your backyard isn't just wasted space. It's untapped potential for the kind of time together that you'll actually remember years from now.
The screens will always be there. But these moments? They won't.
Haley Tew is the founder of Lavender Landscape Design, a luxury landscape design and construction firm specializing in outdoor living spaces that bring families together. Whether you're looking to create a backyard retreat or a full outdoor entertainment zone, Haley's approach focuses on designing spaces people actually use, not just admire.
Ready to transform your backyard into a space your family will love? Let's talk about what's possible.
